


Little Haven

by AkaiBaraPark



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Angst, Best Friends, Car Accidents, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Minor Character Death, Physical Abuse, Sorry Not Sorry, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-16
Updated: 2020-12-16
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:41:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28101834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkaiBaraPark/pseuds/AkaiBaraPark
Summary: We all need our own little Haven.Whether it's a place or a person, everyone deserves a slice of happiness... or a slice of cake.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Hwang Hyunjin, Bang Chan/Seo Changbin, Lee Minho | Lee Know/Seo Changbin
Comments: 6
Kudos: 27





	Little Haven

**Author's Note:**

> This story was very nice to write and I hope you'll like it.

He couldn't keep himself from smiling.  
Everyday, at the same hour, he would take his break from work, smoke a cigarette and look right across the street.  
His eyes, always drawn to the colorful entrance of the nearby coffee shop.  
Flowers of different colors, clashing against each other creating a symphony of tones and shades.  
From roses to lilies, tulips and moms, lavender and myosotis. All these flowers creating such a beautiful picture all year long against the brick wall.  
But even if the flowers were amazingly beautiful, what he was the most enamored with was the coffee shop owner.  
Curly brown hair, always a mess on top of his head, slightly droopy and tired looking eyes, a pale and most likely smooth skin, plump and cherry red lips.  
Changbin was enamored with the shop owner, how he would tend to his flowers, how he would smile toward customers when they entered his coffee shop.  
Changbin loved everything about this man even if he only knew him from afar. 

Changbin had always been here, he lived in this town his whole life and became an accountant in his dad company when he got his diploma.  
He had an overall very boring lifestyle.  
Waking up, going to work, going home.  
Copy and paste.  
But since the little coffee shop opened, half a year ago, he started to feel less gray. His life was still as boring as ever, but at least he had some kind of distraction each day.  
And what a distraction to look at such a beautiful man just 10 steps or so away. 

He finished his cigarette not long after the shop owner had gone back to the coffee shop. The little doorbell rang as he entered.  
Changbin threw what was left of his nicotine filled stick and went back to his cubicle to work on some dumb numbers.  
Maybe he would enter the coffee shop this time.  
Maybe once it was time for him to pack his things and go home, he would grab something on the way.  
He could do that.  
He could stop for a second and order something. 

\------ 

He could not.  
Anxiety was driving him up the walls as he closed all his computer files and grabbed his bag where more paper files got thrown in.  
He was scared at the idea of socializing again. Maybe something else bothered him as well but nobody had to know. 

He pulled himself together, stretched his back and took a deep inhale before looking at his watch and heading out.  
He finished early. It was still close to 6PM but he knew the coffee shop was still open. After all, he tended to finish later and the light in the small cafe was still on.  
He hesitated, his bus card in one hand but his feet pointing to the coffee shop.  
He really wanted to go.  
His heart was telling him to do so. While his brain was trying to make him leave.  
But he decided to follow his emotions instead of his logic for once and crossed the street. 

He stopped at the door, collected himself once again before entering.  
It was warm inside, the music soft and dreamy filled his ears nicely and he relaxed almost immediately.  
A happy "hello" greeted him when he took a step further.  
The man at the cash register wasn't the owner.  
A man with long icy white hair, freckles and a cute button nose. He looked like a fairy, and the glitters all over his eyelids made the illusion even stronger.  
Changbin was still taking in his surroundings. The smell of freshly brewed coffee, the buzzing of the coffee machine, the music. The air was nice because of all the plants inside. The place had been restored from ground to ceiling.  
It was rustic looking, a lot of wood and earthy tones. Each chair had a small colorful blanket folded onto the seat, and each seemed to be comfy, if the pillows were any clue to the comfort they inspired. 

He felt at home.  
Slowly he finally came to the cash register where the fairy boy was smiling. A Cheshire cat grin.  
"Hi, welcome to Little Haven."  
He greeted him making Changbin feel so at ease.  
"It's a very nice place."  
Commented Changbin sincerely as he looked at the menu behind the fairy looking boy.  
"It is. We wanted a cosy and warm atmosphere. I think we did a good job !"  
He said in a smile, making Changbin look back at him.  
"What can I get you ?"  
He asked, taking a little notepad to write the order.  
Changbin pinched his lips a second trying not to stress himself over such a small little thing.  
He sighed pensively as his eyes finally fell onto something he was now craving.  
"I think I'd like a ~Mushroom on the soil~"  
He smiled at the silly name.  
The boy smiled as well writing down the order.  
It was a hot chocolate, with a marshmallow flower on top. It most likely had some cinnamon as well, seeing the illustration of the drink.  
"Anything else ? Something to eat maybe ?"  
Asked the fairy boy again. Changbin shook his head at the question and paid for his drink.  
"Channie! We have a customer!"  
Said the fairy boy in a louder voice.  
And maybe Changbin's heart wasn't ready but, he felt it thump hard against his ribcage as said Channie arrived from the back room with a smile on his pretty cherry red lips. 

He was wearing the same apron since the morning, a red one with an embroidery of a sun in the middle. It was so cute.  
From up close, the coffee shop owner was even more pretty and Changbin may have blushed seeing him.  
Dimples.  
"Welcome to Little Haven."  
He said in a calm voice as he started making the hot chocolate.  
Felix, -he saw his name on his apron-, was already gone somewhere else and Changbin was left facing his crush and he didn't know how to behave anymore. 

"You remind me of someone put I can't really place who"  
He said, making Changbin jump slightly.  
"Oh um… I work close by. Like, I work in the building on the other side of the road and, when you open I'm often on break"  
Changbin answered looking at his feet before noticing that the barista stayed very silent.  
He looked back up to see him very deep in thought, a mug in one hand and the chocolate mix on the other.  
Suddenly, his eyes started shining a bit more as he realized who Changbin was.  
"Oh yeah I do remember now. You're always smoking a cigarette on the stairs"  
He smiled and finished the drink by decorating and dropping the flower marshmallow on top.  
"Here"  
He said holding the drink for Changbin to grab. Which he did in a smile. Somehow, the other's presence was calming down his anxiety. 

"You can sit anywhere you like. It's calm today"  
Said the barista he started to clean the mess facing him.  
Changbin chose a table close to the window and sat on the most comfortable looking chair. He decided that this table would be his favorite from how on. After all, he could look out the window but also easily see the coffee shop owner adjusting cakes in the see through fridge.  
He took a gulp of the drink and felt his insides melt. The taste was divine, not sweet enough to be too much, not bitter enough to scratch his throat. It was just nice. Very nice.  
He smiled softly, keeping his hand on the warm mug. 

He was so lost in his head that he didn't even notice Felix coming to sit facing him.  
When he did, he jumped out of his skin and almost spilled his chocolate. 

"Fuck, you scared me !"  
He said, his hand on his heart and a little laugh made him look at Felix.

"Sorry. Didn't mean to. I can sit with you right ? I'm on break"  
He smiled again while Changbin's eyes wandered to Chan behind the counter.  
"Don't worry, if customers arrive I'm going to go and help him."  
Changbin started blushing as he now locked eyes with Felix.  
"You know. Looking at people like you do is fucking weird right ?"  
Said Felix never losing his cute smile. He had this strange aura around him. Something very strong and menacing. 

"I mean… You basically look at Chan everyday from 10.00am to 10.20am. Then you just go back to work whenever Channie goes back in the coffee shop."  
He muttered, playing with a napkin left on the side. 

"I've always wanted to come here"  
Whispered Changbin drinking his chocolate and trying to escape Felix's stare.  
He directed his eyes towards the window catching Chan's reflection in it. 

"It's creepy and I don't like it. So please. Make up your mind. It's either you stop looking at him like a goddamn creep, or you come around and speak to him like a decent person"  
Said the barista with an incredible bluntness. It was so far from what Changbin expected from Felix.  
The boy looked like an adorable elf or fairy, but his tongue was sharp and his presence very overpowering. 

"Is that how you treat your customers?"  
"Only the creepy ones who look at my best friend too much"  
He smiled. Such a sweet smile for these harsh words. Somehow Changbin almost felt threatened.  
"I look at him cause I find him cute."  
Changbin answered with a defensive tone. He didn't know what was this guy's problem, but he knew not to take things to heart.  
He finished his chocolate and opted to introduce himself. 

"I'm Changbin, I work across the street as an accountant under the Seo company. I'm 25."  
His eyes finally landed in Felix's who kept on smiling. A way too sweet smile. 

"Nice to meet you Changbin. Like you must have read, my name is Felix. I work here full time as a barista and I've been Chan's associate and best friend since childhood. I'm 23."  
He said crumpling the napkin. Then he took a deep breath, smirked and got up again.  
"Well. I hope to see you more Changbin." 

Sweet and threatening.

Changbin sighed and got up as well, taking the mug with him to give back to Chan. The man was aimlessly stirring what seems to be juice. His droopy eyes were casted far away like he was in another dimension. At first Changbin simply pushed the mug on the counter but Chan kept on fixating on this one plant dangling from the entrance.  
So he cleared his throat.  
Chan seemed to come back to his senses and looked at Changbin a second before putting on a soft smile and grabbing the mug. 

"You good ?"  
Asked Changbin in a worried voice.  
"Yeah. Don't worry. I tend to get lost in my head a lot."  
Said Chan in a smile as he took his drink and sipped on it.  
"Oh um, I just, I was going to go but. Yeah. I wanted to say that I really like the place and I might come again."

Somehow Chan's smile got wider and he nodded happily. 

"I'm glad you like it here ! I was waiting for you to come in. You always stand outside and it must be lonely sometimes"  
Changbin bit the inside of his cheek. It was lonely.  
He was lonely.  
Coming home to an empty place everyday was hard lately. Even more now, fall is coming.  
Changbin nodded slowly, a thin smile on his lips.  
"I'll be there tomorrow."  
He said before waving and leaving to go home. 

\--- 

He needed to think a little.  
What happened in the coffee shop. The strange feeling he had about the place was hard to understand.  
Little Haven was soothing, the ambiance a real pleasure.  
But Felix, the barista, made him uncomfortable somehow. He felt bad about looking at Chan. Maybe he did look at him funny ?  
He was overthinking. But how could he not after Felix's words.  
That and Chan's attitude stuck to him.  
He was so calm. Too calm maybe. Very soft spoken but something in his eyes seemed very blue.  
He didn't know why, but it reminded him of Minho. How sad he always looked near the end of their time together. 

His relationship with Minho had always been extremely rocky and difficult.  
They loved each other.  
Well, he thought they loved each other.  
Thinking back, maybe they just grew out from love towards hatred.  
He didn't remember how everything started to go bad.  
What he knew was that he was all alone now. Haunted by demons he still hung to the walls.  
Pictures, a lot of them, kept on reminding him how lonely he was after that day. 

Funny how he couldn't feel sad anymore about it all. He just felt guilt.  
His body still remembered the pain, his leg broken in three different spots. His face still harboring scars from the accident.  
He hid them with foundation for the worst ones.  
He sighed, running his finger over the edge of his glass full of a deep amber colored liquid.  
The ice cube clicked against the glass as Changbin finally took it to then drink it. He kept the ice cube in his mouth and bit on it breaking the frozen water.  
He moved from his round table to his bedroom and got his work files out. He decided to work ahead to free some time for tomorrow. 

Numbers.  
He hated numbers but was good with them. He knew how to work them.  
He could at least do that.  
Creating links with human beings was hard for him now.  
But he really wanted to try.  
He was swimming in dark waters. Trying to understand the foreign.  
After the accident he had nobody left, not even his family. 

He dropped his pen, frustrated with his thoughts, he looked at the picture on his desk and ran his finger on Minho's face. He was smiling.  
In a way he missed this smile.  
It's been so long since he paid him a visit. He should do that soon. 

He took the picture and pushed it down so he could not see the bunny teeth and soft face.  
He could finally work, feeling less stressed about the ghostly thoughts living rent free in his head day and night. 

Maybe he lost track of time cause it was already late when he stopped in order to fix himself a meal. Silence greeted him in the kitchen.  
He was so fucking lonely. 

\--- 

The next day was slow at first. Changbin was in his cubicle working more than usual just so he could leave early.  
When his break started he took his credit card and his cigarettes to go on the stairs. But also grab a coffee from Little Haven. When he arrived down the stairs Chan was already tending to his flowers. He was pouting at one of the flowerpot, it was all withered.  
He took it in his hands sadly before meeting Changbin's eyes. He pulled the pot closer to his torso with one arm and waved at Changbin.  
He waved back and smiled before lighting his cigarette and making his way to the coffee shop, carefully crossing the road. 

"Hey Chan"  
Changbin said in a smile when he arrived near Chan  
"Hey"  
He said in a smile.  
"I thought you would come later today. But I'm happy to see you this soon. Though you can't smoke in the coffee shop"  
He laughed, stealing Changbin's heart on the way.  
"But I can make you a little something and bring it out if you want"  
Changbin simply nodded before asking for an americano. He saw they had it on the menu.  
A smile still on his face, Chan got rid of the flowerpot and went inside to prepare the drink. Changbin took the opportunity to snap a picture of the remaining flowers in the pot and sat on the little ledge behind him. 

He looked around for an ashtray and smiled when he found one on a table.  
He took it and plopped it on his lap, eyes still trained on the door to the coffee shop. He jumped a little bit when he felt a hand on his shoulder and looked at the comprit with wide eyes. 

"For hell's sake Felix"  
He sighed exhaling the smoke. Said Felix smirked and sat next to him. 

"Hi mister creep. I see you took my threats at heart. Good for you man."  
He picked the cigarette away from Changbin's hand and took a drag of it facing a shocked Changbin. He blew the smoke to Changbin's face, gave back the cigarette and flew inside right away still laughing. 

Changbin by reflex squished the cigarette in the ashtray right away and sighed looking at his feet.  
When the little bell of the entrance rang, his eyes were drawn back to Chan exiting the coffee shop with the americano in hand and a smile on his pretty lips. 

He sat where Felix had been and gave the coffee to Changbin.  
"By the way, you never really introduced yourself to me. Felix told me your name but I'd like to know it from you."  
Said Chan with his Oh so melodious voice. 

"Oh yeah sorry I… I must have forgotten to do so."  
He felt tense being this close to the man he was looking for afar two days ago. It was weird to finally be in the same space as him. Not that he didn't like it. He really did, but it was stressful and he never imagined it being this fast. 

"My name is Changbin. I work as an accountant just on the other side of the street."

Chan simply hummed, still smiling softly. 

"I don't really know what to tell you though…"  
Said Changbin looking nervously at his hands. They felt itchy like the day after he woke up in the hospital. The scars were still so itchy right this moment. 

"Hey. Don't stress out. You could tell me your age, what's your favorite genre of music"  
Said Chan. His eyes were fixed on Changbin's agitated hands.

"I… I'm 25. I love rap and rock the most."

"Good. You have taste."  
He smiled. 

From up close Changbin noticed a slight nuance in Chan's eyes. It was almost unnoticeable. How the deep chocolate of his left iris was more of a hazelnut color.  
The sadness was still there. He could see behind the smile because Minho was like Chan in that regard. Smiling even through pain. 

"My name is Bangchan. I was born in Australia. Felix has been my best friend since childhood, we were neighbors. I wanted to be an athlete but it didn't happen. I love all genres of music." 

He introduced himself in a laugh before getting up to his feet.

"Let's talk more later. I have to finish preparations for the opening and you're already late for work" 

At that Changbin took a gulp of his drink and got up as well to go back to work. Weirdly enough he didn't care about being a little late. He waved in Chan's direction and went back to his stupid cubicle, in the stupid building he worked into for some stupid rich man.  
Funny how this rich man was also his dad. 

He sighed sitting at his desk. His nosy but very adorable coworker looking over the small wall separating them. 

"You're lucky the big boss ain't around man. You're late." 

"I know Sungie. I was distracted."

"Oh? Were you talking to one of the cuties from the coffee shop?"

Changbin blushed and shooed Jisung away with the file he had in one of his hands.  
Jisung's loud laugh made more of the coworkers mad but they never had the heart to tell him how annoying he was. Because having him in the office was also a breeze of fresh air. 

"Tell me !"  
He pestered in a pout. 

"Yes. Yea I was talking with one of them"

"Lemme guess, the one with the curly hair ?"

Changbin nodded moving his computer's mouse around to get it to work again. Remembering Chan was making his heart beat a little stronger. He didn't remember if joy felt like that. But if it did, he needed more. 

"He is very cute. But I like the one with the longer hair" 

"Felix? He is pretty but he is a menace."  
Said Changbin without thinking. Jisung stayed silent before laughing again and sitting back down on his chair. If the "AOUCH WHAT THE FUCK MAN" was any indication, he probably got a pen thrown to his head to make him shut up. Pen probably sent by Seungmin. 

That got Jisung to shut up nonetheless and Changbin worked faster. His dad came downstairs not acknowledging him still. But he could live with being a stranger to him. After all, it had been this way for years now. The accident didn't help one bit. 

Changbin shook his head trying to shake the bad thoughts away and poured all his energy into work. 

Hours and hours calculating, fixing mistakes, being on the phone and getting frustrated. But his day was close to its end. He did all he had to do and even more.  
And for once, working more hours seemed useless. His brain was far from focused on the job anyway. 

So he took his bag, not even bringing more work home, and exited the building. 

He had something to do first. And that was, going to the closest flower shop.  
He knew about a very good one at the end of the street and settled on it.  
He pulled his phone out of his pocket the moment he entered and was welcomed by an adorable young man with dark blue hair and dimples. 

Changbin had a thing for dimples but this kid looked so pure he just wanted to hug him. 

"Welcome to My garden"  
Said the young man.  
"How can I help you ?"

"I'm looking for this kind of flowers"  
He showed him the picture and the younger looked closely. 

"These are Violas it seems. Pretty flowers and they stay alive a long time if they get taken care of. These were probably already old by the look of it. Maybe the change of weather got to them because these flowers tend to bloom year after year."

"I think it's that. The owner really takes good care of them. So yeah…"  
Said Changbin softly to the young man. 

"Well. Let me check if I have any start for these"  
He smiled and looked in the back room for what Changbin supposed were seeds. He came back with the seeds as well as a little pot with one lone Violas in it.  
"This one is all alone and I feel like it will be taken care of if you take it with you."  
Said the young man giving the pot and seeds to Changbin. He did pay for the seeds but got sent out when he asked about the flower.  
\--- 

He went back to his starting point.  
This time, he didn't even hesitate to cross the road to the coffee shop. To his Haven. 

He pushed the door open, greeted again by Felix's deep voice and the strong scent of freshly ground coffee beans.  
He felt at ease again. His anxiety was still here, but it felt better.  
He felt better.  
He made his way to Felix who smiled at him. 

"Welcome back creep." 

"I have a name."  
Said Changbin trying not to roll his eyes. 

"Hm? What would you like?"  
Asked Felix being as rude as the day prior.  
Well. At least he wasn't threatening him this time. 

"Give me whatever."  
Said Changbin in a sigh again. Felix's attitude kind of faltered at that and he pouted. 

"I feel like you'd like a vampire frappe…"  
He said, still pouting. Before typing the order. Changbin paid for his drink and went to the end of the counter where Chan was making another drink for a girl who got here before him. 

"And there you go. A Rose petal."  
He said, giving the very pink drink to the girl. Changbin saw the pink sugar rocks on top of the drink. He also didn't miss the girls cheeks reddening as she took her drink and said thank you.  
She then left trying not to squeal with her friends. 

"Hi Changbin! Finally out of work?"  
Chan asked as he started making the drink. 

"Yep. Got out early. By the way I have something for you."  
He got the seeds out of his pocket and gave them to Chan. 

"I saw that the flowers from outside were all… well withered. So I thought you'd like to grow some more. And hm, the boy at the flower shop also gave me a potted one. So I left it on the ledge for you as well."  
Explained Changbin under Chan's confused but happy eyes.  
The young man left the drink he was making to take the little bag of seeds, a smile bloomed on his lips. 

"Thank you Changbin. That's so nice."  
He looked at the flower seeds like it was very meaningful and went to put them in a safe place before coming back.  
"I'm going to take care of the little flower from outside too! You can count on me"  
He said with so much joy that it finally reached his eyes.  
And it was such a beautiful sight to witness. 

"I'm glad it made you happy"  
Changbin said. Maybe he imagined the way Chan's ears seemed to blush. But he liked to think he didn't. 

Chan prepared his drink as fast as he could. Mixing a lot of things Changbin was confused about. And he then gave him the drink. 

"And one Vampire bite"  
He said before starting a new drink. Changbin went to sit at his table, thankfully nobody was on it. And he sipped the drink.  
Very sweet but not so much he was nauseous because of it. It was nice and refreshing. The light taste of strawberry working well with the strong dark chocolate and soft whipped cream.  
He enjoyed it a lot. 

What he enjoyed less was Felix coming to bother him like the day prior. He didn't really like the little stunt he was throwing.  
He didn't ask for him to leave him alone, though the words were burning his tongue by that point.  
Changbin saw Felix bite the inside of his cheek before sitting and facing him.  
He took his time to finally speak to him. 

"Listen. I'm sorry. It's just that, well, you barged in so fast that I can't help but be protective of Chan."  
He said like he was confessing a dark secret.  
Changbin sipped on his drink waiting for Felix to say a bit more on the matter.  
"You literally arrived in Chan's life yesterday ! Well, I mean no but… You were just looking before. And like he told me you were looking at him. And that he also was looking at you but. But then you came here ! And now it's almost like you've always been here. And I don't like it."  
Said Felix playing with his fingers and torturing his nails and peeling the dead skin on the side of his fingers. 

"I can understand that you're worried Felix. But I'm not going to hurt Chan by coming once a day to talk a little and drink something."

"You gave him flowers."

"Yes cause the flowers from outside are withered."  
He said not getting where the problem was. Sure, he gave him flowers. Sure, in a way it was a way to flirt with Chan. But he wouldn't hurt Chan. 

"I… yeah I know it's just. Hm, okay so, I just want my best friend to be safe ok? He, he didn't have the best of life and I don't want a repeat of the shit that happened in the past. And if I have to push people away to keep him safe, I will."  
Said Felix with more seriousness than Changbin believed him to have in his lanky body.  
To be honest, Felix's choice of words made him worried.  
He did notice some things in Chan, he noticed him getting lost in his head a lot, he noticed the hint of sadness in his eyes. But all that was easy to see for him, because he experienced it first hand with Minho before the accident. 

He frowned waiting for more from Felix but nothing left his mouth. 

"What happened to him, Felix?"  
Asked Changbin letting go of the drink, his fingers growing numb because of the icy feeling. 

Felix frantically shook his head. And got up in silence heading back to the cash register where Chan was.  
Changbin noticed Felix talking to the other barista who seemed to blush? Yeah. He seemed to blush.  
Changbin smiled softly and his eyes crossed Chan's.  
If he himself felt his cheeks heat up, he didn't say anything about it. 

He finished his drink and looked out the window. The day was gray but the weather was nice otherwise. The atmosphere in the coffee shop soothing his lonely heart.  
He heard the chair in front of his own move again and he couldn't keep himself from smiling when he saw Chan sitting there with a piece of cake and a drink. 

"You should try this cheesecake, I'm sure you'll love it"  
He smiled, pushing the cake toward Changbin.  
"I didn't pay for that Chan"

"Hm I know. Felix did. I know he pissed you off."

"It's not poisoned right?"  
Laughed Changbin.  
Chan rolled his eyes and took the fork he gave Changbin to test the cake before he could touch it. 

"Hm, seems good to me!"  
He said, giving the fork back to a shocked Changbin.  
Well, that's what one would call an indirect kiss.  
He took the fork and a bite of the cheesecake and the sugary goodness melted in his mouth like his heart was melting when Chan was smiling. 

"It's very good"  
Changbin said, looking at Chan. He looked at his hand, holding the cup of juice he got for himself. 

"Felix and I have been thinking about finding another barista. So that we could maybe take longer breaks and days off. I think it would be nice."  
He said, playing with the cup and abusing his plump lips with his teeth. 

"It would lift some weight from your shoulders. So it indeed seems like a good idea."  
He said before showing a forkful of cake to Chan.  
Said boy blushed, his ears a bright pink. He hesitated and caved in making Changbin giggle. 

They ended up talking some more.  
Little Haven emptying by the minutes till only the three of them, with Felix, were left. 

"Chan please. I need help to close"  
Said Felix with a hint of frustration laced in his voice. 

"Sorry Binnie. I have to go back and help. It was very nice talking to you"  
He said before getting up. 

"Wait! I'll leave soon so you can close but, hm, would you mind, maybe, giving me your number?"  
He asked with hopeful eyes and heart. 

"Hm… I guess I could do that"  
Chan said, holding his hand out to get Changbin's phone.  
Maybe he had to stop himself from laughing at how fast Changbin pulled out his phone and almost made it fall on the ground.  
He entered his phone number and smiled.  
Not the usual smile. 

It was happy.  
Hopeful. 

Changbin left soon after and for the first time after years, the loneliness freezing his heart weighed less. He felt warmer.  
Nobody had to know that he took all the picture frames of him and Minho down. Nobody, except himself, had to know that he was ready to move on. 

\---

He spent most of his afternoons in the coffee shop. He didn't buy a drink each time.  
By that point he was basically a regular. But he was only coming for Chan.  
And maybe he was warming up to Felix.  
The guy was blunt, but it was his defense mechanism. 

"Felix and I got through a lot together. That's why he is straightforward with you Changbin."  
He said in a smile as he held the bouquet of yellow roses Changbin brought him. 

If straightforward meant telling him he would kill to keep Chan safe, while holding a knife in his hands a devilish smile on his face. Then Felix was VERY straightforward indeed. 

"I wouldn't say that he is straightforward. He is being mean. But yeah, I can understand the whole thing. Even if I don't know anything about it."

"It's still too hard to tell honestly."  
Said Chan caressing a flower petal from the bouquet.  
"You know my place is already full of flowers. I don't have much space anymore."  
He laughed looking at Changbin. They both were on a day off after Chan finally chose someone else to help in the coffee shop.  
But even on a day off they still found themselves on a table outside from Little Haven. 

"Sorry for that. I'm just still looking for the perfect flower for you."  
Changbin admitted sipping on his coffee, enjoying Chan getting all shy again. 

"What do you mean… every flower is perfect."

"I meant it in the best way possible. As in I want to find the closest flower to your beauty even if it's already deemed impossible from the start." 

Chan hid his face behind the flowers and Changbin laughed loud and happy. He was happy. So so happy. 

"Stop being sappy…"  
Mumbled Chan. 

It had been almost three months since they started their friendship and both of them craved a bit more but something, or someone always seemed to stop them. 

Said someone was now joining them outside, crashing their moment. 

"Yo lovebirds. Need anything?"  
Said Felix, not forgetting the killing glare to accompany his words. Glare destined to Changbin, that much was easy to guess. 

Even Chan looked tired of it but he let it slide.  
"It's fine Lix."  
He smiled at him clutching the flowers a bit tighter.  
Changbin just nodded at Chan's words and Felix left. 

"That reminds me, Changbin. I wanted to ask you something for a while but never really got around to doing it"

"Hm? Shoot."

"I noticed you wear a lot of foundation and I noticed a scar once or twice on your neck."

Changbin unconsciously touched his neck where he knew a scar was still visible.  
"Hm. Years ago, I was together with a man. His name was Minho. And we got in a bad car accident after we fought at a party. Needless to say I shouldn't have been the one driving. I was high and drunk. But Minho wanted to go home and at that time he couldn't drive. So I still got behind the wheel. He didn't make it. We never made it home that night."

Changbin whispered looking at his hands. He could almost still hear Minho shouting at him in the car over the fact that they should end everything that they weren't meant to be. He could remember the orange hair, matted with blood and the pained whimpers. They went off the road because Changbin lost control of the car. He was angry, high and drunk. And they ended up smashing the security wall on the side of the road. 

The car got more damage on the passenger's side, Minho's legs got mangled, his head breaking the window on impact.

Changbin could remember Minho's shaky hand reaching for his, as he was whimpering and struggling to keep his eyes open.  
Changbin took it and held it tight, as tight as he could, the pain in his left leg and overall body making him close to falling unconscious.  
All he remembered hearing before falling in the darkness of unconsciousness was a broken "sorry". 

He woke up in the hospital alone.  
And he's stayed alone since then.  
Since the day he got in a wheelchair to recognize Minho's body at the morgue. 

"I'm so sorry…"  
Said Chan making him come back to his senses. 

"It's okay. It's been years. Looking back on it, I think we should have ended our relationship way before. We ended up hating each other. I didn't even get to say sorry or say goodbye. And I still feel guilty over his death. Every single day."  
He inhaled deeply.  
"I guess that's why I hide the scars."

Chan nodded without a word. It was like he wanted to say something but the words stayed stuck down his throat. He pulled on his already long sleeves before pulling this sad smile again. 

"I hope you get over the guilt." 

"I will. I know I will. Like I know that the smile on your face will one day always be happy Chan"  
Said Changbin softly.  
He noticed how shiny Chan's eyes had gotten. He could see tears gathering in his eyes, glistening menacingly. 

He nodded and wiped the tears away with the back of his hand.  
"I trust you then Changbin"  
He said in a soft smile. 

After a while Chan left to go home and put the flowers in a vase. He lived very close to the coffee shop anyway. 

Changbin stayed a little bit more. Enough time to catch Felix. 

"I think it's time for us to discuss this situation, don't you think?"  
Said Changbin as Felix closed the coffee shop for the day.  
He stayed with his back facing Changbin a moment. 

"I think it's time. Yes" 

"Come to mine. We'll order food. And we'll talk"

Felix didn't find it in himself to say no.  
He owed Changbin some explanations.  
And he saw how well he was treating Chan.  
He deserved the truth. 

They started walking towards Changbin's place in silence, hands buried in their respective pockets. 

"Do you live far ?"  
Asked Felix in a small voice, shooting a small rock with his worn sneaker.  
Changbin gave him a side look, somehow Felix seemed very small and tired right this moment. Far from the strong and stubborn guy he was used to seeing by now.

"Not that far." 

"Why don't you drive a car or something?"  
He asked, looking up to Changbin's eyes. 

"I can't." 

Felix frowned at that but didn't press for an answer of any kind.  
Changbin sighed pensively and decided to give a small smile to Felix. 

"Got in a very bad accident a while back. Since then I can't drive anymore, even sitting in a car makes me panic."  
Explained Changbin fetching his keys in his leather coat's pocket. 

"Oh… I'm sorry I didn't want to make you feel bad. I guess I'm really bad with people."  
Said Felix stopping when Changbin did so. It was a nice apartment complex. Not too far from the little town center. 

Changbin opened the door and kept silent about what Felix said. After all, it was a fact. And Changbin was far from good with people, so he knew where Felix was coming from. 

Silence took over them again.  
In the elevator they stood to the opposite sides of each other. Felix on the far left and Changbin on the far right. It felt like the separation between them was far wider than the few centimeters it really was. 

They went up to Changbin's floor and walked to his door. 

"Don't mind the mess. I was making some changes, so there's a lot of cardboard boxes and tarps to protect the floor from the paint."  
Warned Changbin as he opened the door for Felix to enter first. 

Said young man entered, and looked around. The flat was spacious but very empty. Well, Changbin did say he was freshing the place up, but the lack of furniture still felt strange. Like it belonged to a couple more than a single person. 

"We'll go in the kitchen if that's fine with you" 

Felix simply nodded and followed Changbin in the kitchen. 

"You always lived alone?"

Blunt. 

"No. No I didn't. Had a boyfriend for three or so years."

"And?"

"And the accident took him away."  
Answered Changbin sitting on the kitchen counter while Felix was on a chair. 

"Sorry"  
He really seemed apologetic. And he probably was seeing he kept fucking everything up.  
"I'm sorry for being mean to you. And you know. For everything, basically. But I can't help it. I really can't." 

Changbin didn't say a thing, keeping his eyes trained on Felix as he crossed his arms.  
The barista was touching the back of his neck looking at the table deep in thoughts before he finally opened up some more. 

"I owe you the truth. About everything surrounding Chan and me being overprotective of him."  
He looked up, got rid of his coat to feel more comfortable and looked less tensed once Changbin joined him, sitting at the other end of the small round table.  
Silence loomed over their head for a minute before Felix deeply inhaled. 

"I've known Chan since childhood. We were neighbors back in Australia and decided to go to the same college here in South Korea once we got around to it. We stayed for a while at his aunt's house before we got the opportunity to go in some sort of dorms."

He frowned again playing with a strand of platinum blond hair. 

"Chan was always so cheerful and smiley. He was very popular. And some guy took interest in him really fast. We were still very young even if it's not that far back. Young and naive. So naive."

He let a humourless laugh escape him as he tapped his unoccupied fingers on the wooden table trying to soothe his anxiety. 

"This guy made Chan so miserable. They stayed together for a couple of years and my best friend changed forever. Chan still looks jovial and happy. But fuck! It's so hard most days. Getting him out of bed is a struggle." 

He ran his hand through his hair in frustration. 

"This man destroyed Chan to the point of making him so depressed he tried to commit suicide 3 times. 3 fucking times!" 

\---

_College was supposed to be the most beautiful years in one's life. But for Chan and Felix the truth was, it became their worst nightmare in the span of a month or two._

_Moving toward a completely new place, with new people and a language you butcher on a daily basis.  
They had to learn fast and well.  
And they did it.  
They worked hard and adapted.  
They stuck together till they didn't. _

_Chan fell in love.  
Fell in love with his downfall.  
And what a vertiginous fall it had been. How fast it had been.  
Nobody could have imagined how far down he would go.  
The sea of despair is deep, but he dug in the wet sand once he reached the bottomless ocean ground.  
And Felix saw him do it but couldn't help without being pushed away. _

_That devil with blonde hair pulling at Chan's heartstrings. Pushing his head under the water when he was battling to swim back up. Fighting for a gulp of air he was denied._

_And Felix could only watch from afar._

_Chan cut ties with him.  
They both were miserable.  
One being rejected by his only friend, the other being abused behind closed doors. _

_"You know Chan. Nobody could love you like I do. You're all broken and not even that appealing at that. But I love you. And you find a way to cry when I ask you nicely to fuck?"_

_Nicely.  
It wasn't nice.  
He didn't ask.  
He never did.  
He only took.  
And when he couldn't get what he wanted. He simply forced himself onto Chan or punched him bruising places nobody would bother looking at. _

_He bruised Chan's ego. Bruised his self worse. Bruised his body, mind and heart.  
The blonde devil only craved power.  
All he wanted was to see how far he could go to destroy someone enough for them to disappear.  
And he chose Chan.  
Kind, patient and joyful Chan. _

_"You cummed. So you liked it. Stop fucking crying. What a fucking sissy"_

_He wanted to tell him he didn't like it. That he didn't want to hhave sex with him. Chan wanted out so bad.  
But he felt like he would crumple the second the demon left him. _

_It happened fast enough.  
The blonde demon taking out his phone to answer a text from another person.  
"Good news Channie! I'm getting very bored of you. So, guess what? I don't want you around anymore." _

_"But I…"_

_"Darling. Don't tell me you believed it when I told you I was in love with you. That would be very unfortunate."_

_Betrayed.  
Chan went from the top to all the way down. _

_"Hyunjin…"_

_Was all he could say before a slap made his head jerk to the side. He couldn't even cry. The pain was too strong, suffocating him._

_"Do not say my name. You disgust me so much."_

_Said Hyunjin gripping Chan's face before pushing him back._

_"Go."_

_And Chan did on autopilot.  
He went back to his old dorm. The one he shared with Felix and still had the keys to, even if he broke everything.  
He believed to be the problem.  
He was the problem. _

_Once he closed the door behind him he froze. He stayed immobile, looking at the wall facing him before walking towards the bathroom.  
He opened the cabinet where some of his belongings still were, mixed with Felix's and some painkillers and other pill bottles. _

_He grabbed all the bottles he could.  
Sleeping pills, painkillers, antibiotics. He didn't mind.  
He went to get a glass and went back in the bathroom leaving the door open.  
He looked at the pill bottles and started pouring their content in his hand.  
He didn't count.  
It stuck to his throat at first.  
But he for sure took more than he should have.  
And he didn't care. _

_He started feeling nauseous, his head was pounding and his view started getting blurry as he gripped the sink harder. His breathing was erratic, and his heartbeat felt like it was slowed down as he dropped to his knees.  
His knuckles white from how hard he was holding onto the sink. _

_Black spots danced in front of his eyes as he collided with the floor, fighting to get some air pumped in his lungs._

_He didn't hear the door to the dorm open.  
It went dark all around.  
He felt his body being moved, he could hear a voice but it seemed so far away.  
He felt fingers dig down his throat trying to make him puke.  
Maybe it happened, but the pain he was in was so strong he didn't remember. _

_When he opened his eyes again, he was in a hospital bed. Under respiratory assistance.  
It was still blurry but the pain remained. It wasn't even physical. His mind weeping.  
He failed again. Like he failed his relationship. _

_"Fucking hell Chan! What did you do!"_

_He turned his head toward the voice and saw Felix near the window. Shaking and crying in complete distress._

_"Why…"  
Croaked Chan looking at Felix.  
Why did he save him?  
Why was he still alive? _

_"Why? What do you mean why?! You almost died!"  
Screamed Felix walking to the bed.  
"I almost lost you fucking moron!" _

_Chan deceived Felix as well._

_"I wanted to die…"  
He whispered before Felix slapped him across the face. Sadness and anger laced in his eyes. Chan simply looked away as Felix sobbed uncontrollably next to him. _

\--- 

"It occured two more times…"  
Said Felix with tears running down his cheeks. A pained whimper crawled out of his throat. 

"He tried opening his veins. But I was around and we got him help. I remember that day so well. He used one of the kitchen knives and sliced his wrists and panicked. I heard him from my room when he dropped the knife." 

Felix hugged himself, gripping his shirt tightly. 

"I felt so scared. We got to the hospital again. He was fully conscious. I bandaged his wrists before getting there and he got patched up. I remember not talking at first and giving him a psych ward file for him to fill. Needless to say he didn't want to. So… so I shouted at him to do it." 

He tried to wipe away the tears but it kept on pouring down. It wouldn't stop. It had been kept I side for far too long. 

"He signed the papers and got admitted there for a month. Treated for depression with a bunch of pills and therapy sessions. The nurses told me he never spoke a word. All they knew was that he stayed away from everyone and slept less and less. They tried changing the pills but in the end the month passed and it didn't change. So he got out. They wouldn't keep him more than what he agreed to sign up for…"

He sighed sadly trying to find his words. It was so hard. And Changbin only listened. Took it all in. It was so hard to hear. 

"The last time he attempted was by far the scariest. I was on campus at the time. In class. And he sent me a text. I didn't think much of it but something told me I had to open it and… and I knew." 

\---

_Channie :  
15.46PM_

_His heart skipped a beat as he got up leaving the classroom running. He left everything and ran as fast as he could as he called Chan._

_"Answer, answer, answer. Please an-"_

_"Lix…"_

_"Where the fuck are you?!"_

_"I'm sleepy Lix"_

_"No! No Chan. Tell me where you are! Please tell me!"  
Panicked Felix as he arrived near their place. He didn't know where Chan was. _

_"I'm so sorry"  
Said Chan in a small voice. Before his voice stopped working and all Felix could hear was a rumble. _

_A car.  
Chan was in the garage.  
Felix stopped the call, running to the garage where they kept their car. He knew the outside door would be closed so he ran inside the building and went to the inside garage door. He opened the door and entered.  
The car was on and Chan was on the driver seat seemingly unconscious.  
Felix tried to open the car door to no avail. It was closed from the inside.  
He started feeling light headed and realized the danger both of them were in.  
Carbon monoxide.  
He had to act fast.  
He didn't think twice and grabbed a hammer from the tool box. He smashed the window. He didn't care about a scar on Chan when both their lives were on the line. _

_The noise must have alerted someone because before he knew it another guy was helping him pulling Chan out of the car and away from the garage._

_Felix was light headed. He knew the guy was calling an ambulance and trying his best to help Chan.  
Chan who laid on the ground unmoving. Felix got close and took his hand as the other guy started CPR on Chan. _

_His heart started back up. It did.  
He made it to the hospital. Felix was also taken care of. _

_But even if Chan's heart picked up again, he didn't open his eyes._

_He was in a coma. Between life and death.  
And Felix could only stay there in the same room in his own bed. Listening to Chan's numerous vitals, beeping every second. _

_Felix lost sleep looking after Chan._

_The guy who helped them, Yedam, was coming once a week to see them. Trying to ease the guilt Felix felt._

_Their family also came to korea for them.  
Felix never saw so many people crying on the same day.  
Once he got well enough, he sat near Chan, falling asleep on the chair holding his hand praying for something other than this stagnant state. _

_"Even if he ever wakes up he wouldn't be the same. His brain got damaged. A lot. He might have memory loss. Some sensory issues, he could go blind or deaf. He stayed in this car for too long."_

_"He is not dead!"  
Screamed Felix, his fingers still weaved through Chan's own. _

_"He is not. But he might never wake up. And if he does it might be harder for everyone."  
Said the doctor to a distressed Felix. _

_"Don't. Please don't say that."  
He pleaded before sobbing and holding Chan's hand against his forehead.  
"He will pull through… I know he will"_

\--- 

"And he did."  
Said Felix to a shaken Changbin.  
"He made it."  
He said in a bittersweet smile. 

"He still remembered everything but he lost his ability to see from one eye. And had to go through hours and hours of physical therapy. He blanks out a lot still. Gets lost in his head often. And his depression never really left. But he is alive."  
He sobbed. 

"He still smiles and works so hard. And you're here and I feel like I could finally breathe again. But I was scared…"  
He said.  
"I was scared he would end up broken again. But I believe you. You can take care of him. But please, don't push me away from him. Don't. I lost too much."  
He said as more tears cascaded his face. 

He felt warm right after. Engulfed in a bone crushing hug by a crying Changbin. 

"I won't hurt him. I promise you I would never hurt him."

They stayed like this for ten long minutes. Before Changbin finally let Felix go.  
Felix who got a text from Chan asking him if he was eating outside of if he should wait. He told him he would bring back some food. 

"I should go home… you're free to come as well. Chan would be happy to see you."  
Said Felix in a sad smile. 

"I think I will. I'll come. But Felix. Don't forget you also deserve happiness, yeah?"  
Said Changbin grabbing his coat from where he left it. 

"I'll think about it"

\---

They ended up ordering take out. And brought it to the flat Chan and Felix shared. A very nice place. Quite spacious.  
Chan could help but smile when he saw Changbin with Felix. 

"I was in a bad mood but seeing you both makes it better"  
He said as Felix gave him a box of pizza. They sat and ate all together.  
It felt weird.  
But it felt nice. 

"So. You're staying tonight, right?"

There was so much hope in Chan's voice that Changbin couldn't say no. 

\--- 

And he stayed.  
Nights after nights he kept on holding Chan close to him.  
He learnt that Chan was never fond of sex and never pressured him into it.  
When their relationship started blooming even more, he discovered what Chan had been hiding under his long sleeves. He kissed every and each scar. He taught Chan what real love was and was given the affection tenfold.  
He healed Chan, mended his broken heart. And Chan did the same for him. 

Maybe they both needed their own Little Haven in the end.

**Author's Note:**

> Ok bye I go back to hibernating.


End file.
